Mane Issue

One hundred years ago, when I was in my twenties, I used to look at old women (you know, those in their 40's and 50's) and feel pity for them, for just one reason.  So many of them seemed to have followed along with the hair trends of the times for awhile, keeping up with the popular hairstyles.  Then, they hit an era and just stopped trying.   They just appeared to quit, from my young perspective.

They kept up with the beehives of the sixties and the hippie, straight, middle-parts of the seventies.  But when the big, full, teased-bang look of the the eighties hit, they gave up.  Back they went to their set-and-bonnet-dryer look, comfortable once again, uncaring that they were committing the most egregious of fashion faux pas. I'd gaze upon these poor, clueless women, shaking my big haired, Madonna-bowed head in quiet disdain.

But I've been thinking a lot about those comfortable "old" ladies recently.  They'd really get a kick out of me now, I'm sure.  Because I'm there.  I realized this a few days ago.  Here's what happened:

Unlike my older counterparts, I've done pretty well with keeping up, if I do say so myself.  My hair is thick and naturally curly, and although the Dorothy Hamill short bob of the early seventies was a complete disaster, the Farrah Fawcett "feathered" look was quite achievable. I bought a set of hot rollers that became my new best friends.  I got ridiculously fast at rolling my hair every morning, and it was definitely worth the effort, in my sixteen year old mind.  I thought I looked AWESOME!

Then came the glorious 80's.  I was in college when the "Big Hair" fashion hit.  People, my hair was BORN for this style!  Getting ready in the morning took about seven seconds.  I'd simply turn my head upside down, crank the blow dryer to "high," and blast my hair until it was one big, majestic "poof."  Then, I'd flip it back, throw on a headband (large Madonna bow attached), sweep my bangs off to the side, and, TA-DA... DONE!  I REALLY loved the 80's!

So, there I was, having a grand old time in the era of big hair, when THIS happened:

Jennifer FREAKING Aniston!!  Curse her and her thin, straight, straight hair!!  I tried, folks, I really tried!  I bought a flat iron, applied straightening shampoo and conditioner, and read article after article on "How to obtain Jen's sexy, sleek look!"  Usually, it was a disaster! Occasionally, I'd find the right combination of product and styling tool, and achieve the flat look.  But soon the humidity would take over, and my curls would begin to form, refusing to be silenced!!

It was a hard time for me, let me tell you!  Even my former spiralled comrades were jumping ship and sporting the new flat style.  Gloria Estefan and Nicole Kidman, once big, curly-haired goddesses, now looked like THIS:

And THIS:

Et tu, ladies?  It became abundantly clear, I was standing on a sinking ship!  So I smoothed my hair as best I could, and managed to make it through that dark time, or as I refer to it: "The Sleek Years."

Then, one GLORIOUS day, the curls began to emerge again!  Celebrities were showing up at awards ceremonies with cascading, twirly locks.  I was elated!   Recently, I'd go to my hairdresser and simply say, "I'd like a good, layered cut to accentuate my curls," and watch as they snipped and shaped my mane.  The result was always a little disappointing, though, I must say. They'd style my hair kinda messy, and the curls would always be dangling over my face and eyes.  "Weird that I can't get a good cut these days," I said to myself.

So, I arrived a few days ago at my color/cut appointment determined to leave looking like a curly goddess.  I spent SEVERAL minutes describing EXACTLY what I wanted to my stylist, and she smiled and said we could DEFINITELY achieve the look I was requesting.  She left to mix my color, and I sat back, content that my message had FINALLY been received!

She colored, cut, then began the styling process.  She attached a diffuser to her blow dryer, then, turned me around away from the mirror.  She tugged and pinched at my locks, happily humming away.  Soon, the other stylists were walking by, exclaiming things like, "Wow, that looks GREAT!" and "You have beautiful hair!" and "That's EXACTLY how I'd want my hair to look if it was curly!"

WOW!!  I began making plans to call Alan, he was going to need to take me out on the town to show off my amazing new style!  I couldn't WAIT for her to turn me around to view this piece of artwork for myself.  Then, she did.  And, there, staring back in the mirror at me, was THIS:

Yep.

So, dear old ladies of my twenties, I owe you an enormous apology.  Because I am now YOU.  I left that hair salon, went home, washed my hair, applied mousse and styling gel, threw my head upside down, blew it dry, inserted the largest Madonna-bowed head band I could find, cranked-up some Wham! on my stereo, and danced around my living room in wild abandon.  Because as far as me and my hair are concerned, it's 1984, Baby!!

Thanks for Reading!!